Stop & Start (Day 9)

man old depressed headache
What am I doing? Who I am within what I do?

It’s interesting, I came in here and saw that my last post was about reliving the word consistency… Surely I must have missed the point of consistency within taking on the way I participate in this world, in terms of working through the problems I face.

I look at myself, and I can see that I’m not fulfilling me to serve myself in living my utmost potential, with all that is going on personally and existentially. I’m merely coping to hold on to what I have. And it’s pathetic, egotistical and sad. I miss every moment going into the mind, conjuring up some story for myself for the day that will bring me through to the next. Without asking myself, what can I do right now to change into a better version of myself. How can I contribute to help and support the people in my reality, how can I stand as a being that I can be proud of!

I realize I don’t even like myself, I don’t like the way I keep on doing the same abusive things, cause I got so used to it and it has become guilty pleasures. I’m in serious need for a change, to take on what has become a petty version of myself that needs intervention.

So here I am, having a talk with myself, about myself, saying to myself, do something that will help you walk a consistent process to change the things that you know is not honorable when being honest to yourself. The point is that nothing can deflect the point of me having to be honest with myself and create a better version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to live consistency in me changing the parts of myself that I am not proud of, instead of realizing that I make the decision and thus it’s all on me to decide whether or not I’m gonna stop and start changing myself to something I can be proud of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not regard writing as a necessary tool for walking and changing points that I face on a deep level with regards to creating a better version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my resistance to writing shows and prove that it’s absolutely key to me facing myself and owning up to my flaws on all levels as the totality of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall within facing resistance to take action in creating a better version of myself, that walk decisions within common sense principles as that which is best for all, thus to not give into the mind programming of and as facing resistances. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am making a statement that I accept and allow everything that is and has happened within this world as mind systems, when I give into resistances, allowing that to stop me from changing myself.

When and as I see myself facing resistances, I commit myself to stop, breathe, and practice gratitude and appreciation for facing a curse, in which I can turn into a gift, once I stick to the decision that I will not allow this to stop me, and hold me up. Instead I commit myself to push through until I overcome the point of resistance by breathing, writing, self forgiveness and practical application as persistence, until I have dealt with the point that caused a resistance within me.

When and as I see myself creating excuses and justifications for not writing, forgiving and correcting myself as much as possible. I commit myself to stop, breathe and remind myself that the proof is in the pudding. Within that I commit myself to make the decision of writing, self forgiving and practically correcting myself with regards to the points I face within myself.

 

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