Reliving the word Consistency (Day 8)

gray scale photo of gearsConsistency

a degree of density, firmness, viscosity, etc.:The liquid has the consistency of cream.

  1. steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc.:There is consistency in his pattern of behavior.
  2. agreement, harmony, or compatibility, especially correspondence or uniformity among the parts of a complex thing:consistency of colors throughout the house.

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What are my consistencies? What comes up when I ask that is seeing behaviors that I’ve participated in for as long as I can remember. I have consistencies when it comes to how I will think and react to facing different circumstances that involves interacting with other people and within that, most importantly myself. What serves as a trigger point for me is if someone act’s or treat me in a certain way, I’ll go into comparison and judgements straight away as to why I don’t like this and that about this person and that person because of a, b and c in relation to the experience I find myself in relation to them. 

This will especially come through when there is situations I don’t like and find enjoyable doing or participating in. So I’ll start backchatting in my mind about why I’m right about what I think and feel, lol. Which seems so got damn important at the moment, and maybe it is something important, but the focus is not on who I am within it, it’s about how and why another is the way they are, and how I’m affected by it. 

Interestingly I’m usually not as affected when it comes to the actual thing I go through and experience physically, it’s more how I experience my thoughts, feelings and emotions in  relation to what is physically happening. Which makes for a perfect gumbo, when I can blame another for why I became upset. What a consistency of behavior that is, prominently here, yet always suppressed, as I have yet to find a solution for why I participate in this reaction pattern over and over again. I can even see where it has led me in my life, creating consequences that have greatly diminished my life in every way possible. 

I end up saying to myself that, I don’t care, well, I don’t give a fuck, cause YOU don’t care. So if that’s how YOU want it, GREAT. I’ll be the one that will not care anymore, I will be selfish, just like you and these other people I compared myself to, and that I judged as not giving a fuck about what I have to go through because of you and them, and so the ultimatum I ask from the universe is that, untill they will experience what I experience, and then, if they don’t change when that time comes, then it’s on them, their fault, it’s not mines… Cause, I don’t want it to be like this, I want fair play, I want, need and desire, so give me give me give me what I want or else… I will continue being the fuck up I am! 

I see how this pattern has played a big role in my life, and it’s what flowed through me right now, that I can now look at. It’s consistent, and it’s not something I’d like to live as my consistency now that I can look at it with awareness… Cause within that pattern of reactive participation and consequential outflows that I am living out, I’m giving away my power to self diminishment as self-abuse. Where I will stand as a mirrored reflection of who I’ve become through acceptances and allowances within the principle of an eye for an eye, The vengefulness of self-interest, instead of a living practical example of what is best for all as giving as I would like to receive. 

I see, that I’m able to change this reactive pattern through directing myself within consistency, and by consistent self honest intervention stop my reactions in thought, word, and deed to not live in spite and vengefulness for what I experience, through comparison, judgements and blame that create abusive consequences for myself and everyone around me. I rather now find a solution to sort out and end this reoccurring issue by walking myself through self forgiveness and corrective applications as to when this point re-emerges within me.

So what I’ve missed within this experience is basically self integrity, self-care, self honor, and self direction within being self honest to live my utmost potential through the principle of what is best for all. Having not seen the full extent of consequences that manifest when I’m stuck inside my ego of blame, comparison and judgment even though the consequences of this has been as is right in front of my face manifested as what I’ve come to terms with being my life. As I’ve looked through the lens of the self-righteous opinionated character that is a victim to circumstances caused by someone else, I’ve discouraged myself in an entangled web of self-pity that came as an outflow of what I accepted and allowed in myself. That is not something I will like to continue on accepting and allowing, for myself nor another. And so I’m from now on challenging myself to change myself through reliving words.

SELF FORGIVENESS 
 
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to consistently go into comparison, blame, and judgments of others when and as I face a situation where I experience being treated unfairly, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that it’s never about another, It’s about who I am in relation what I will accept and allow from my self that is contributing to either being part of the problem or solution as to being the change I’d like to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consistently have placed my self responsibility unto others through my mind as projections within wants, needs and desires, triggered by experiences of feelings and emotions that places me on a high pedestal of self righteousness within my thoughts of projections by the eye for an eye principle of what has been done unto me I must do unto them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consistently wait in hope that someone or something will change in a way that will sympathize and benefit me as to confirming the experience I’ve held of myself and others within comparison, judgement and blame, so that my thoughts, words and deeds can be validated and justified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consistently look for reasons as to why I have to struggle because I see other people not living up to their fullest potential and so I justify remaining a lesser version of myself as well in the logic that I don’t want to give my full efforts when others don’t do it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consistently use logic of black and white within my viewpoint as kill or be killed when it comes to the manifestation of inequality, and rather stand back on the sideline as an observer accepting defeat instead of standing absolute within doing my best to live and work for the solution to the problems I see within existence as myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to consistently not look at who I am in relation to the whole as to how I can build self courage and integrity within morals and ethics I find honorable when it comes to myself in relation to all as one as one for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand equal and one with what is here right now as an outflow consequence of who each and everyone has allowed themselves to be and become. Not realizing that I am equal to that which I judge, and so I’m just as responsible as anyone else when it comes to taking full self responsibility for my thoughts, words and deeds that will help put an end to the consequences of inequality.

SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENT 

When and as I see myself reacting to a situation or experience I find myself in within, going into comparison, judgement and blame of what has been done unto me, I commit myself to stop, breathe, and realize that I’m part of a existential outflow of consequences cased by everyone’s acceptances and allowances throughout the history of the universe, and within that remembrance I commit myself to be the change I’d like to see within the principle of what is best for all.

When and as I see myself facing the point of not giving a fuck, I commit myself to stop, breathe and realize I’ve gone into comparison, judgement and blame about something or someone. Thus I commit myself to write out the experience I’m going through to work out the points that I’ve hidden and suppressed within myself, so that I can forgive, release and correct myself to not further wander into creating more consequential outflows that only will contribute to the problem and not the solution to birthing life in oneness and equality as what is best for all. 

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